Friends, Fun, and Falling

Today was actually a pretty good day. If my life was a stock, I would say that today it closed up a couple of points.

The snowboarding tonight was excellent! I finally got the hang of it. I was going down that mountain really, really well. However, I am now really, really sore. I do think that all the rushing, driving, pain, and soreness are worth it to gain a new hobby. You must come boarding (or skiing if you prefer) with me some time!

Jazz piano today was really quite wonderful. We did some blues work, with comping and improvising. I don't know what it was about it, but I left there really happy. Maybe it was the artistic freedom I had. Maybe it was that playing the blues let me express my innermost feelings and get rid of some of what I've bottled up.

I go to bed tonight fairly happy. In looking at my wings, I don't think I've lost any feathers today. But after this weekend, I don't know if I'll have any left. I guess well see...

"The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone. "
~George Elliot

Ouch, My Wings Hurt!

I swear, I must be bi-polar. Monday was great, Tuesday was fine, today was not so good. Of course, not-so-good days seem to be the trend for me. Time for a little public psychoanalysis and venting. If you dare read further, there will be no turning back.

I guess the main thing I feel is frustration. I see so many people happy around me, and I put on a brave face. I act like everything is ok, but who am I kidding. I'm a mess. I'm brilliant in my music and schoolwork, but fail miserably in any kind of relationship situation. When is it my turn to be happy?

I feel like I'm playing the boyfriend game, and the girls are picking. I'm standing with all the other guys yelling, "Pick me! Pick me!!" However, I'm like the fat kid, or the kid with asthma... passed over every time. I guess the old saying is true, "Nice guys finish last".

For those who may consider me an angel, let me just say how much my wings are hurting right now. I wouldn't say they've been clipped off, but they're losing their feathers fast. I don't really know how to stop them from falling, or how to fix things. I guess I'll keep going until they fall off, at which point I will have no choice but to stop flying.

So now what? I'll tell you what. I'm going to keep going. I'm going to keep putting on my brave face. I'm going to keep on being that angel. I'm going to keep on being that Phantom. I'm going to keep on being that hopeless romantic, even if it kills me. Eventually, I'm sure I'll find myself alone, slowly slipping into madness. But then again, that wouldn't be much of a change from the way things are now....


Philosophy and unrequited love will clip an angel's wings sharper and faster than any double edged sword.
~Jeffrey Lazenby

So Far So Good

This week has been just that, "So Far So Good". Today was a fairly normal day. Nothing that exciting happened. I didn't have any amazing experiences, nor did I show up in anyone's dream again.

However, I'm not going to push my luck. If things are going "normal", that's fine with me. There's no need for me to get greedy and try to bump life up to great. I imagine it's like the first hill of a rollercoaster. It takes time to go up, and if you try to hurry it, something is liable to breakdown. I am going to remain cautions though. Could there be a big drop coming? I sure hope not, I'm just recovering from the last one.

Maybe tomorrow will be a little more exciting and/or inspirational.

May God keep you this and every night.

You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, she is beautiful because you love her.
~Author Unknown

A Day For Love And Miracles

It is simply amazing how fast life can turn itself around! After such a terrible day yesterday, I thought that today would be just as bad.

Normally, I detest Valentine's Day. All the romantic stuff, all the couples, all the loving, I would normally say Bah Humbug! However, this year, I can't. I feel very strange. My heart rate is up, my blood pressure has risen, adrenaline is rushing through my veins, and my pupils are really dilated. I don't know whether to burst into tears of joy or call 911.

I did my research and found out why this day exists in the first place. Valentine was a bishop in the 3rd Century Church. When the Roman Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage, Valentine began to secretly perform marriage ceremonies for young couples. When the emperor discovered this, he had Valentine arrested. Impressed by the bishop's convictions, he attempted to convert him to the worship of Roman gods. At the same time, Valentine sought to persuade the emperor to follow Christ. The end result was his execution.

It is said that while in prison, Valentine healed the daughter of a jailer of blindness. Just prior to his execution, he penned a letter to the young woman, ending it with, "From your Valentine." St. Valentine gave up his life in the service of others.

That's what Valentine's Day is all about! It's not about all the romantic stuff between couples. It's about the love shared between family and friends. The big verse of the day was John 15:13, "No greater love has a man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends".

Then, as if that wasn't enough to get me excited, I found out that I ended up in someone's dreams. Yeah, that's right. That's never happened before...

Then I find this wonderful paragraph about me in a blog. I am smiling from ear to ear! I had forgotten what being truly happy felt like, but now I remember! I just want to run around doing my happy dance and giving every person I meet a hearty handshake or hug.

Just in case you missed it, I go to bed tonight happy. I mean really happy. This is one of the best Valentine's Days I have ever had. And I didn't even have an official Valentine. I'll go ahead and apologize for the long quote tonight...but it rings so very true.

May God keep you this and every night
_________________________________________
Love is patient, Love is kind,
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud, It is not rude,
It is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil
,but rejoices with the truth.

Love always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.

Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
~1st Corinthians 4-7, 13

Could Someone Please Show Me The Way Up?

Man!!! What a terrible night!!! It was absolutely horrible!! Well, it started out that way...

In case you didn't know. I'm trying to join the music fraternity up here at Appalachian. However, my horn professor is dead set against me joining for some reason. She has made my life miserable! Up until this point, it was only between me and her, and all she had done was fuss at me. Tonight however, that changed.

It was after Samantha's and Chris's recital. They both did so well! Chris looked quite handsome, and Samantha was looking quite radiant. It was a perfect night. Note the word "was". At the reception after the recital, everyone was still there. Sam and Chris had just gotten in the room when my horn professor got into a shouting match with the past president of PMA. Of course, what they were shouting about was me joining...

I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed, hurt, and ashamed. I couldn't help myself. I just had to come back here and cry. Boy did I cry. I cried at least an hour, probably longer. I just couldn't take it anymore!

However, since then the night has gotten a little better. After an nice conversation with my favorite girl in the world, I've managed to calm down some. Don't know how she does it, but I always end up smiling...

Well, tomorrow is another day. Wait, not just any day... it's Valentine's Day!! It's here! Tomorrow should be a day in which to find miracles everywhere.

May God keep you this and every night.

Where there is great love there are always miracles.

~Willa Cather