Ouch, My Wings Hurt!

I swear, I must be bi-polar. Monday was great, Tuesday was fine, today was not so good. Of course, not-so-good days seem to be the trend for me. Time for a little public psychoanalysis and venting. If you dare read further, there will be no turning back.

I guess the main thing I feel is frustration. I see so many people happy around me, and I put on a brave face. I act like everything is ok, but who am I kidding. I'm a mess. I'm brilliant in my music and schoolwork, but fail miserably in any kind of relationship situation. When is it my turn to be happy?

I feel like I'm playing the boyfriend game, and the girls are picking. I'm standing with all the other guys yelling, "Pick me! Pick me!!" However, I'm like the fat kid, or the kid with asthma... passed over every time. I guess the old saying is true, "Nice guys finish last".

For those who may consider me an angel, let me just say how much my wings are hurting right now. I wouldn't say they've been clipped off, but they're losing their feathers fast. I don't really know how to stop them from falling, or how to fix things. I guess I'll keep going until they fall off, at which point I will have no choice but to stop flying.

So now what? I'll tell you what. I'm going to keep going. I'm going to keep putting on my brave face. I'm going to keep on being that angel. I'm going to keep on being that Phantom. I'm going to keep on being that hopeless romantic, even if it kills me. Eventually, I'm sure I'll find myself alone, slowly slipping into madness. But then again, that wouldn't be much of a change from the way things are now....


Philosophy and unrequited love will clip an angel's wings sharper and faster than any double edged sword.
~Jeffrey Lazenby